I Love My Hair

BY: JACARA AHMADDIYA

I know I got my first relaxer at an early age, probably before I was eight.  I don’t remember exactly when, but up until my last years in high school my mother was my hair stylist, so I know it was applied in the living room in front of the television, just like all the rest of my hair experiences.

 My hair was always long and thick and I couldn’t use the ‘kiddie perms’, as they weren’t strong enough for my coarse hair. My mother used to jokingly tease me and tell me that the children’s relaxer brand “Just For Me”, wasn’t ‘just for me.’ I didn’t really care, because as soon as she applied my brand, “Precise” and I saw how straight and soft it made my head of hair, I was hooked. After my mother would perm, dry and curl my hair, I would stand in the mirrors for hours on end brushing, combing and running my hands through it until I was satisfied. Every six weeks officially became ‘perm time’ in my house, and I relished the compliments on how nicely my mother maintained my hair.

Some people call relaxers “the creamy crack”, mainly because of the addiction-like withdrawals that black women suffer once those short six weeks have passed and our hair becomes nappy, itchy and unmanageable. To me, the white, thick, and admittedly strong smelling substance isn’t crack, its survival in a huge plastic tub. I’ll be the first to admit that my hair is my crowning glory and sometimes even the deciding factor on my mood for the day, or week, especially if I’m nearing the time when another needs to be applied.

But am I wrong for wanting my hair to be long, luxurious and thick?

To that simple question, most would say no. What woman doesn’t want a gorgeous mane growing from her follicles? But at what price this is acceptable is the main question, especially in today’s black society. There seems to be a division amongst the black community: those who get relaxers, or perms, and those who don’t.  Of course there are others, like those who wear weaves and those who don’t, but this seems to be the biggest. The women who choose not to get perms are ‘natural’, they don’t put chemicals in their hair, therefore they choose to wear it naturally, just like the way it grows from the scalp. That’s fine and dandy if that’s your preference, but quite frankly it’s not mine. 

But those of us who choose to get our hair chemically treated are seemingly shunned. I can’t count how many times I’ve been told that I should stop wasting my money on perms, cut my hair off, and go natural. Yes. Cut my hair off and go natural.  The same hair my mother lovingly nurtured for close to 15 years before she started sending me to the hair salon. The same hair that I always remember to wrap every night, and brush for at least five minutes every morning. The same hair that I pay $40 every two weeks to get washed and curled, and up to $90 to get relaxed every six weeks. 

I don’t think so.

People have a misconception that women get relaxers because it is some twisted way to be connected to a European likeliness. It’s no secret that there is a difference in the hair textures of a black woman and white woman.  Free of the black woman’s kinks and knots, a white woman’s hair generally grows freely, and without a need for all of the hair-care that black women’s do. The idea is that with a relaxer, we make our hair straight and flowing to look like our counterparts. But by no means is ‘the creamy crack’ my way of connecting to anyone, but myself. Its aesthetically pleasing to me, certainly, but more importantly, it’s the best way that I maintain my hair. That’s it. But still, how many of the ‘natural women’ tell me that I’m putting too many chemicals in my hair? That I’m damaging my hair when I choose to apply my perms? Yea girlfriend, that may be true. I know I am. 

Just watch Chris Rock’s documentary Good Hair, he’ll show you precisely what a perm could potentially do to my hair. But, what about the women who wear their hair naturally who choose to dye it? Is your hair naturally blonde, red at the tips, or highlighted? I can answer that with a simple no. Or even so, what about the women who wear their hair naturally who flat-iron it to make it straight, and whose hair eventually looks just like mine? There is a huge misconception that ‘natural’ means dread locks, twists, or Afros. However, there are many natural women who painstakingly apply heat to their hair to get the same long and flowing effect that I love so much about mine.  So, it’s ok to want that look as long as you don’t commit the sin of getting a perm to make it easier? 

Excuse me if I’m confused.

Quite frankly, the culture of black hair-care confuses me. I could care less if a woman gets perms or not; I honestly have no opinion on someone else’s method of manageability. It’s a preference, which isn’t based on a level of inferiority or superiority. Just like the light skinned vs. dark skinned scale in which some black people rate each other has caused major controversy within our culture, quiet as its kept, so is the hair controversy! I see Facebook groups entitled “I Love Natural Hair!” and “Kinkiness…Natural African Hair Rocks!” and I don’t know how react, especially since the comments and wall posts in these groups seem to make natural hair seem like the Holy Grail. There are absolutely none for the women who get relaxers; I’ve searched for them. So, what does that say about us? Probably that, like me, most really couldn’t care less about this whole controversy.

What an interesting idea…